No More Hope

I didn’t call her the other night, but I emailed her earlier this evening. I made it clear that I would like to try and rebuild a relationship with her, even if that relationship was just a friendship. I didn’t expect a response, but I received one. We will be divorced next July, and she …

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Eating to Live

Something she always said about people where she grew up is that they didn’t eat to live. They lived to eat. I, however, am just eating to live. But at least I’m eating fairly regularly now. The cigarettes and liquor might encourage the opposite effect, though.

One-Sixth

I sat on the edge of the bed last night for thirty minutes with the phone in my hand. It’s been two months since she moved out. Two months for her to process the situation and cope with her emotions. Two months, perhaps, to brace herself for the inevitable phone call from me. The thing …

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Music

I’ve been listening to a lot of music lately. Like a lot. Playing songs on every Amazon device at once so it plays no matter what room I’m in. It keeps the house from being so quiet. Something I’ve noticed, though, is that I somehow find a way to make every song about my situation. …

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Therapy Roundup

Yesterday was a Therapy day, and we talked about a lot of things. We started off with the positive affirmations I’d chosen, and I expressed how it just felt like I was lying to myself. She suggested I modify them so that I couldn’t call myself a liar, and maybe down the road change them …

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Not a Lot

I haven’t written in a couple of day because there’s not a lot to say. I don’t know how many posts I can write that basically say “I miss her and I’m sad and I feel awful about making her sad because of my fuck up.” I left the house today for my first non-parental …

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No Sleep

I had my annual appointment with my pulmonologist yesterday morning to see how the CPAP machine is working out and make any needed adjustments. He walked in the room while looking at a graph that showed my sleep patterns and said, “You’ve slept an average of 25 hours a week for the past month.” After …

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Acceptance?

After writing yesterday, I still couldn’t get the question out of my head. Should I be trying even if she doesn’t want me to? Should I do all those little things I think about doing constantly? Texting her when I’m thinking about her (which is constantly, so that would probably not be great)? At least …

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