Netflix Confessional – Twilight

March 9th, 2010

That’s right, I put Twilight on my Netflix queue.  Saturday, Strutter and I laid in bed and watched the whole thing.  I went into this expecting it to be a drama written specifically for teenage girls.  I expected it to be, basically, an After-School special with vampires in it.  But it blew away my expectations with the amount that it actually managed to suck.

First, there’s Bella.  Whatever this actress’ name is, and I’m not even going to bother looking it up, she can not act.  I’m sorry, but pouting in every scene is not a skill.

Next, there’s Cedric Diggory.  (That’s who he is.  He’ll never be anything else to me.)  He can act, but no matter what he does in this movie, no matter how badass he tries to be, he’s still going to get killed by Voldemort.

Third, there’s the quiet.  There are ENTIRELY too many pauses during dialogue.  Pausing during speech does not equal drama.  It equals irritation.

And lastly…  the story is just crap.  Yeah, I know it was written for teenage girls.  So was Harry Potter, and it’s awesome.

And that’s all I have to say about this waste of two hours.

Law Abiding Citizen was pretty awesome, however, as well as the FX series Archer.  And both of those managed to take my mind off of this terrible attempt at a movie.

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Selfishness

March 2nd, 2010

At some point in history, women thought it would be a good idea to make it socially acceptable to eat food which their significant other had gotten for themselves.  I suspect it started out by not ordering a large meal at a restaurant (in order to avoid looking like a pig on a date) and then stealing food from their date’s plate because they were starving.  Movies portray this behavior as cute but, believe me, it’s not.

Don’t get me wrong, though.  I’m willing to share my food, but only if I know in advance that I’ll be asked to share.  At that point, I’d just order extra food to compensate for the thievery.

Why do I bring this up?  Because I’m hungry all the time now.  I’ve been on a diet for four weeks, and my stomach has not become acclimated to being empty all the time yet.  And because Strutter keeps stealing what little food I’ve bought from the fridge, like a mouse in the night.

Again, don’t think that I’m unwilling to share, or provide for my woman.  Every time I leave for the store, which has been almost every day these past few weeks, I ask, “Do you want me to get you anything?”  When the answer isn’t something wholly un-diet, such as ice cream, cheesecake, or pizza, it’s a definite “No, thank you.”  So I buy for myself, and find her pilfering cheese crumbles from the fridge or croutons from the cabinet later that night.

To add to the mouse analogy, Strutter is completely incapable of opening a cardboard box along the designated “Open Here” perforations.  She always rips a small hole in the side from which to extract her ill-gotten food and drink.  (And I must admit, THIS behavior is cute.)

My point is this:  Just tell me to get you something.

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Plants vs Zombies

March 2nd, 2010

I saw an article on Ars Technica which mentioned how a game called “Plants vs Zombies” was being released on the iPhone, and it was a fun little game.  Always interested in fun little games, I thought I’d check it out.  It’s released by Popcap Games, which is usually a sign that I’m not interested, but I gave it a try anyway.  I’m so glad I did.

You can download the demo here, which is just a “crippled” version of the full product.  I went ahead and purchased the game a couple of boards into the demo, before I even got to the crippled areas.  That’s how fun it is.

It’s a strategy game, based on the Tower Defense model.  Zombies are invading your yard and certain plants affect certain zombies differently.  But the main game isn’t the only point worth plugging.  It’s also got several mini-games and puzzle games which unlock during play, and those are just as fun.  And, did I mention that it has ZOMBIES in it?  That alone should sell the game to at least one of my friends.

For the price, the game is a must-buy.  At the very least, check out the demo.

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To Boldly Go…

February 19th, 2010

Space.  The Final Frontier.  These are the voyages of the blog Stuck in the World.  It’s continuing mission: To seek out new games, and new forms of entertainment…

My game of choice lately, if you haven’t guessed it, is Star Trek Online.  It’s an MMORPG (Massively-Multiplayer Onling Role-playing Game, and I’ll never spell it out like that ever again) set in the world of, obviously, Star Trek.  It launched last month, and I decided to jump on-board after particpating in the Beta test phase.

Let’s start out with the bad, shall we?

Due to the “unexpected” number of people playing, the servers are a little outmatched.  This is causing lag, disconnects, unexpected downtime for maintenance, and a whole mess of nerdrage on their community forums.  Cryptic (the game’s producer) claims the numbers weren’t expected, but I’m not sure that’s a feasible explanation.  I mean, it’s STAR TREK.  You’ve got an entire population of nerds and creepy geeks chomping at the bit for anything related to Star Trek, right?  Plus, wouldn’t they know how many copies they sold?  I am, however, willing to believe that they didn’t expect the high amount of players, and that they realized they’d be lacking in hardware too late in the process to get new servers up in time.  At least they’ve acknowledged the problem and are putting more infrastructure in place.

The content is not what I actually expected, and lacking.  MMOs, in general, are all about doing the same “Kill x number of bad guys and talk to me when you’re done” mission over and over again.  In Star Trek Online (hereafter referred to as STO) the number seems to be 5.  I’m fine with it, though, because it’s not too many and combat is actually fun for me.  What I expected, though, was “Star Trek” type missions.  In other words, missions with story.  To their credit, they have some attempts at this.  There’s a group of miners that are on strike which you’re asked to go negotiate with.  There’s several missions where you have to run around and scan things and not fight at all.  But it seems a little “unpolished.”  I think, over time, this problem will get resolved.

The Klingon content is awful.  This is my biggest complaint about the game.  They added Klingons as a playable faction late in the game’s development, and it shows.  There’s literally a small handful of missions you can do that are not PvP (player versus player), which means your only viable means of gaining skills is through PvP.  They’ve acknowledged this is a problem, and they’re planning on adding more content for the red side, but there’s no ETA on that.

And that’s it for the bad.  Sure, there are some minor bugs and small features which annoy me, but it’s only been out a month.  With a persistent-world MMO, these problems will certainly get corrected over time.

So what’s the good?

Everything else.  No, really.  I love this game. That’s saying a lot, considering I’ve played most of the other Star Trek single-player games out there, and hated every one them.  The only reason I even tried this one out was because the Beta invite was a perk from my Champions Online account.

Some people complain about the name-dropping, such as meeting the great-grandson of Sulu, seeing the USS Kirk and the USS McCoy, or talking to the daughter of Tom Paris and B’Elanna Torres.  To me, however, that’s the POINT of playing in a Star Trek world.  If I’m playing in a world based on Forgotten Realms (from Dungeons & Dragons) you can bet that I expect to bump into Elminster, Drizzt, and the Seven Sisters.  (Wow, I’m a nerd.)  The name-dropping does not take away from the immersion at all for me.  It adds to it.

The character customization is exactly what I expected from Cryptic.  After City of Heroes (their first MMO), no other character creator could compare.  I expected a vast array of customization, from uniform options to body types to facial structure, and STO delivered.

The rate of advancement through the game is measured.  There are people who will complain that the game is too fast, and that max level is easy to reach in a matter of days.  Those same people say the same thing about every MMO they play, though.  They don’t actually play the game.  They rush it.  They find the fastest path to get the next level and they take it.  For me, games aren’t about what’s at the end, but it’s about the ride that takes you there.

So what’s my verdict?

Buy the game.  If you’re a Star Trek fan, it’s worth playing if only for the free month.  If you’re also an MMO fan, you’ll probably won’t mind the $15/month fee.  And if you do buy it, look me up.  My global handle is @Stuck, and I’m running the fleet named Sirius Business.  ;)

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Posted in Stuck in the Gameroom, Video Games | 2 Comments »

Write What You Know

February 19th, 2010

I haven’t really written much lately because nothing “blog-worthy” has been going on.  I’m sure you don’t want to know how boring my day-to-day can be, even if you do want to know that I’m doing all right.  (The few of you left reading, that is.)  So, yeah, I’m doing all right.  Strutter and I are a team in our workplace’s “Biggest Loser” event, and we’re doing fairly well.  I think we’re in second place overall.  The downside is that Strutter is already tiny, and can’t really lose much more weight, which means the home stretch is going to based completely on me.  (The other downside is that she’s a freaking Nazi when it comes to watching me eat at home!)  The upside, though, is that I’ve lost weight.  The last update I’d given on my weight here was when I dropped to 299.  After that, I sort fell off the wagon and climbed back up to 330.  Now, I’m back down to 297.  There’s like eight or nine more weeks to go, so we’ll see how much I can lose, but right now it’s a little over five pounds per week.

Aside from that, there really isn’t much going on in my life to talk about.  Unless we open the door to that dark place…  you know the place I’m talking about.  (No, not THAT place, Len.  Not quite that dark.)  I’m talking about the Game Room…

I don’t hide the fact that I’m a gamer.  Instead of watching television, I sit down at the computer.  Television has it’s place, of course.  I love watching Chuck, for example.  But mostly, television is just something to do to pass the time.  With a game, at least I get to participate in, if not control, the story.  And I like being in control.  (I promise you we aren’t going there, Len.)

And so, I’ve created a brand new post category on my blog.  Three, actually.  Stuck in the Gameroom, with two subcategories.  One for Video Games, and one for Tabletop games.  So now I can write about things I’m doing, what games I’m playing, how I like or dislike them, and pretty much alienate every reader I have left.  (Except Cap, because I know she likes Fable.  Although I don’t know if she still reads this, what with her being all busy with the job hunt and stuff.)  But at least I’ll be writing again, and I do like writing.

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Bedside Manner

December 31st, 2009

Her: “My throat hurts, Ben.”

Me: “I know.  I’m sorry.”

Her: “It hurts bad.”

Me: “I think we should make an agreement that, for the duration of our relationship, neither of us complains about being sick.”

Her: “You don’t complain about being sick.”

Me: “Oh?  Then I guess what I meant to say was ‘Shut the hell up!’”

The conversation might not have ended exactly like that, but it did in my mind…

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Netflix Confessional: True Blood, Season 1

November 24th, 2009

It has been awhile since I’ve done this, mostly because the speed at which I watch Netflix movies slowed to a crawl once I started dating and partly because I’ve just been slow to write anything at all.  It might also have to do with the fact that my Netflix queue was commandeered by Strutter over the course of two years.  It started out with a little “Add this” and “Add that” and progressed to a “Why hasn’t this come in yet?  Move it to the top!”  So the movies for myself have, sadly, all been pushed to the bottom of the list to make way for Strutter picks which, usually sit unwatched for several days until I finally say “Watch this” and “Watch that” so as to get the queue moving again.  I make it sound like she’s picking crap I don’t want to see, but that isn’t the case.  She just takes her time getting around to watching a DVD of anything.  The solution, I’ve found, is to get television programs, which can be doled out in bite-sized portions.  Recently we plowed through seasons 1-5 of The Office.

In a Bold Move, I finally put my selections first.  I mentioned in my previous post that I recently obtained an Xbox 360 so as to stream Netflix picks.  This is an ideal method for queueing up the television programs for Strutter while I start getting my discs in the mail once more.  And the most recent discs were the first four episodes of HBO’s series, “True Blood.”

I’d heard a lot of hype about this from friends and co-workers, and was a little wary of it.  It’s from the same guy who did “Six Feet Under,” after all, and I vainly watched that show in the hopes that it would finally become something I enjoyed.  I actually have to remind myself that the show witht the “light and dark” girl and her crazy-ass brother was actually the same show with the gay undertaker.  It was really that non-memorable for me.

True Blood is a series set in Louisiana, in a world where vampires have come into the open because of the invention of a synthetic blood which can sustain them.  Of course this leads to some ill will between humans and vampires, which I suppose is realistic.  My problems with the show are as follows:

  • Vampires, with the exception of Bill Compton, are such a crazy stereotype.  While I do believe that a human being, when bestowed with immortality and the desire to feed on other humans, would resort to a level of such evil and debauchery that would make Satan blush, I do not believe it would be sustainable.  Either the individual would get bored with it and look at feeding as just a necessity, or the other members of the community who had reached that point would eliminate this threat from existence.  The first three vampires introduced after Bill Compton all fall into this category of evil, and it’s, frankly, unbelievable.
  • The main character, Sookie, is named Sookie.  I really don’t need to explain myself further than that, do I?
  • The sex is gratuitous.  I’m no prude, but the sex adds nothing to the show aside from showing that Sookie’s brother is personally involved with the women that are being murdered.  But since the story also shows us that he’s innocent, it sort of detracts from the point of showing us the sex.  You could just throw a few lines of dialogue in there to place him at the scene of the crime or even do a classy fade-to-black when things start heating up…
  • ALL of the main characters are good-looking.  This is a backwoods town in Louisiana.  I expect there to be less teeth, more fat, and more dirty clothes per character.
  • I wanted Tara’s character to die before the end of episode one.  Let this next statement be heard by all screenwriters: We do not need any more obnoxious, angry, educated black female stereotypes in television or movies.  It’s not doing anything for the equal right movement except widening the gap.  To her credit, however, I will say that I like her Southern accent the best.  It’s just the right amount of annoying.
  • It’s a vampire story.  Yes, I like Vampire stories.  Maybe all this Twilight/New Moon hype has soured the taste for me.  It just seems more commercially-driven than story-driven.

Despite all of that, I’m going to keep watching the show.  It’s got enough of a hook to make me want to see the next episode, and I actually like the character of Bill Compton.  It’s got it’s own stereotype, too, but it’s one that doesn’t make me grit my teeth.  Maybe he’ll convince Sookie to change her name.

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Dear Santa

November 24th, 2009

It’s that time of year again, where my mother demands a list of my wants and needs and I’m struggling to think of things.  Despite having a running Amazon WishList (which has been conveniently listed on the sidebar to the right since before LAST Christmas), I’ve been told by my mother, and by Strutter, that they aren’t looking at that.  The biggest challenge for me in making a list is that if something isn’t too expensive and I want it, I’m going to get it myself.  If it IS too expensive, I don’t feel comfortable putting it on a gift list and I’m not bold enough to dig further in debt to get it myself.  My Amazon Wishlist has always been things that I sort of want, but can live without.  (Except God of War 3 for the playstation 3.  I’m going to pre-order that one.)  I’ve recently bought an Xbox 360 primarily for Strutter’s Netflix streaming in the bedroom and secondarily for me to lie in bed and play Borderlands when I can’t sleep.  Although I usually carry it into the game room for that, since it’s loud.  So I could start amassing accessories for that now…

Anyway, I suppose I’m going to make a list up right now, before my mother goes to visit my aunt and calls me from Wal-Mart anyway, ignoring this SECOND list completely.

Dear Mr. Claus,

I would like the following items delivered to me on December 25th, in celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior.  One or two of these lower-priced items may be forwarded on to my loved ones so that they may present these gifts to me upon the Winter Solstice in celebration of MY birthday.  They are presented in order of my desire to possess them, from highest to lowest.

1) A Mountain Bike – I desire more exercise, and I enjoy riding a bike.  This seems to be the most reasonable combination of those two things.  I realize that selecting a bicycle for me might be difficult, so I will accept a gift certificate to that bike shop on Broad River (I think it’s called Harold’s or something like that) or a joint trip to said bike store to peruse their goods.

2) A High Definition LCD Flat Panel Television – This is for the bedroom, so the screen size needs to be between 25 and 35 inches so as to fit on the stand.  I also require the resolution to be no less than 1080p.  Just because it’s in the bedroom is no reason to skimp on quality.  The make and model do not matter to me, as long as it doesn’t break easily.

3) A Kindle, from Amazon.com – While I LOVE the idea of this as a gift, along with the leather carrying case, I realize that it negates the necessity for paper-bound books, which make have already been built and stashed away in a storage bin for me.  Please talk to me, either in person or via my mother, about this wonderful device and how we might can incorporate it into next year’s list without interfering with pre-built paper-bound books.

4) A Comforter and Bedsheet Set – These are for the master bed, so they would be needed in the king-sized variety.  I do not require anything fancy or expensive, as the dogs will accidentally tear them eventually.  I only ask that they be in Black, Gray, or Navy Blue, or any other color scheme which will match the wall paint.  My mother probably remembers the colors of the walls, so you can ask her.

That concludes the “big-ticket” items which might require a little extra work from the elves.  The remainder of the list are the more reasonably-priced items, which could be forwarded to relatives and family, as well as my girlfriend, as possible gift ideas that they could acquire.

Playstation 3 Games:

  • Dragon Age: Origins
  • Demon’s Souls

Music CDs:

  • The Green Album, by Weezer
  • Yes, Virgina, by The Dresden Dolls
  • Acoustic, by Everything But the Girl

DVDs:

  • Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Widescreen)

Also, Mr. Claus, could you let my mother know that my girlfriend was most nervous about suggesting any type of gift for herself, so I have found one myself that she will enjoy.  It is a game for the Nintendo Wii called New Super Mario Bros.  As the title suggests, this is the “new” version of the game, and any salesman would be able to point my mother in the right direction to find it.

Thank you for your attention to this letter, sir, and I look forward to your responses in the latter part of December.  Please give my regards to the missus and elves, and gives the reindeer an extra pat on the head from me.

Respectfully,

Benjy

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Politics

September 10th, 2009

I don’t like getting political.  No matter what your stance or how carefully you choose your words, someone is going to get fired up about what you say.  Someone is about to call me an irresponsible citizen for saying this, but I’ve only voted in two presidential elections out of the four which have occurred since I turned eighteen.  The first time I did so was because I was voting against someone who I really didn’t want to see in office for another four years.  The second time was because I actually believed that we needed change, and I believed that the man I voted for also believed it.

Maybe it’s because I’m getting older that I’m actually paying attention to political stories now.  Last night was the first time I didn’t cuss at the television when my regularly scheduled show was being pushed beneath a presidential speech.  (Even though I really wanted to watch WipeOut and Crash Course)  Last night was also the first time I didn’t change the channel.  Instead I watched the speech.  I watched my congressman, who lives less than five miles from my house, call our president a liar.

I don’t give a damn that he apologized for it afterward.  An apology isn’t enough.

Not only did you disrespect our Commander-in-Chief, Mr. Wilson, but you called him out as a liar for a statement which has been proven as truth.  You do not represent my interests, and your services as my congressmen are no longer desired.  Please make way for someone who will help our government move forward instead of stalling it.

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Search Engine Humor

August 28th, 2009

Once in awhile, I look over my Internet stats to find out where the the five visitors a day come from, and what might have brought them here. Since I hadn’t done it in awhile, I thought I’d check it out for the past few months… boy was I surprised.

Here are some of the more interesting things, in bold, searched for that brought people to my domain:

nair holy shit my balls hurt
I tried to warn you, brother. That stuff is ACID!
did elaine ever have a horse
That joke is still as funny now as the first time I heard it
what part of body was covered with lard and cooked during spanish inquisition
I don’t know. But I bet it was tasty! Mmmm… lard….
trutv penis weight lifting
I don’t like to brag…
feltching my ex
Now I’m tempted to do a word search on this blog and remove any occurrence of the word “feltching”
i fell back and hit my head on my headrest, it hurts really bad but there is no blood coming out. what should i do?
Go to the doctor.

Posted in Miscellany | 1 Comment »

My “Special” Son

August 27th, 2009

Taj’s favorite toy happens to be a rainbow volleyball that Strutter brought home from the beach this year. It’s so big that his canine teeth end up wedging it in his mouth and he has to fight to get it out. (And it’s usually a vigorous fight when there’s food or a treat waiting) Part of me wants to deflate the ball a little bit to make this easier, but then he’d be able to bite it and puncture it, and then lose his favorite toy. To anyone that wants to cry “Animal abuse!” let me just say this: Fuck you.

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Goodbye to the Roaring 20s

August 27th, 2009

First, allow me to offer an explanation as to why I’ve been quieter than usual lately. A handful of people noticed two posts in July… posts which have since been removed. To those that didn’t read them, I will just say that I had no business posting something that personal about someone else, so I removed them. To those that did, know that things are better. The problem was that the experience left me “gun-shy” about posting again. I think that the best way to proceed is to pretend like it never happened and apologize to the person involved, as well as their family. And so we move on…

Recently, Strutter came up to me and said that her 20s were full of parting and drinking and generally unhealthy behavior, and that she was tired of it. She was going to start watching her diet, jog regularly, and become a bit of a Health Nazi.

For those individual who happen to be dating someone who is incredibly health conscious, it should come as no surprise that this lifestyle ends up being inflicted upon both partners in the relationship. I could stand to lose more weight and get back into shape, so I’m not opposed to focusing on health again, but I think I might just start hoarding some food away in case she gets even more strict.

This new health kick also meant a farewell to smoking and drinking. It’s not easy to quit either cold turkey, and people who do so often have to avoid situations/places/people that promote these activities. So for her 30th birthday, which was last Friday, we were trying to think of something “wholesome” to do. She suggested Frankie’s Fun Park. Go-karts, laser tag, putt-putt, video games, and a super slide? Sounded perfect. She invited four other couples along, all of whom are smokers. Sounded tempting…

Friday night, we got there early and grabbed food from the snack bar for our dinner. Looking at the prices on the menu, I realized that I had not prepared for the financial implications of the evening. Our friends began straggling in and one couple sent a text to say they couldn’t make it, and the party began. First stop: Skee-Ball!

In my late teens, I actually worked at Frankie’s Fun Park, and my biggest pet peeve was the hordes of children who would sprint from game to game with fistfuls of tickets that they could cash in for cheaply-made stuffed animals and worthless little plastic trinkets. My second biggest pet peeve was punk-ass children who would intentionally swerve to ram a go-kart that I happened to be pushing off the rail. (Little fuckers!) Anyway…

When Strutter screamed for Skee-Ball, I knew that the evening would turn into her running from game to game with fistfuls of tickets, and we would probably be driving home with a cheaply-made plush animal. I wasn’t wrong about that, but I was wrong in my expectation that it wouldn’t be fun. It was actually a blast. Even the no-skill games where you just spin a wheel and it lands on the number of tickets it pays out… crazy. We did take a short break from the ticket-hoarding to go outside and play a round of putt-putt. It was dark, so the temperatue had come down to the mid-nineties and the humidity was somewhere around two-hundred percent… so it wasn’t too bad…

Drenched in sweat, we returned to our ticket-gathering frenzy. For a small crowd of grown-ups mostly comprised of drinkers and smokers, I was surprised that everyone seemed to be having fun. I was even more surprised when it was past nine o’clock and people hadn’t left yet.

At the end of the night, we went to the prize counter with just under a thousand tickets, and Strutter got one cheaply-made plush alligator for each couple and a handful of worthless little plastic trinkets. (Although the pirate pouch full of little plastic gems made me think that a friend could use them in a board game he’s designing.) As we left, I totaled up the amount of money I’d spent and realized that it was still less than we would’ve spent if we’d gone to a bar.

So maybe I’ll stick with this healthy living thing…

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On a Lighter Note…

June 2nd, 2009

I think there are few things worse than chewing gum as you walk into a bathroom that smells like someone just took a giant Indian-food-dump at work.

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Dear World – An Open Letter

April 29th, 2009

Dear World,

I am writing to ask that you stop being so stupid. Your constant, idiotic shenanigans are causing me to lose my faith in humanity. Every day, I see the mindless masses reacting in the most illogical way to situations which are being sensationalized by the media, and the problem is getting worse. Allow me to use the current situation of this “swine flu pandemic” as an example.

As of 8:00am Eastern this morning, There were 64 confirmed cases of Swine Flu in the United States, and one death. The death was a 22-month old Mexican toddler that had been flown in for treatment, and I offer my most sincere condolences to the family. Now, I am certain that there are more than 64 cases, which have not yet been confirmed, but the reaction to these numbers is far overblown.

There are over 300 MILLION people in the United States. Even if there are as many as 10,000 infected citizens (and that’s not a number based on any statistic from the CDC or World Health Organization. I just made it up as a number grossly over-exaggerated than the factually stated count), that is less than one out of every 30,000 people. Now, for people who get sick, the rate of death can’t be calculated. Logic and Science dictates that the people at highest risk will be the elderly and the young.

According to news reports, “over a hundred” people are dead in Mexico City from this flu. Mexico City reported a population of over 8 Million people last year. Since the media gave us such an abstract number, but didn’t say over TWO hundred, let’s assume the number of deaths is 199. That’s a mortality rate of .002% of the population. (One out of every 5,000 people? My brain is starting to hurt from all this math.) But now stories are leaking out about how Mexico City isn’t responding to this flu correctly. (And, as an American, I can only report on the stereotypes of Mexican health care, not anything factual, so I will leave that aspect of this criticism untouched.)

I’m not saying the swine flu isn’t a threat. I’m just saying you’re more likely to be killed in a car accident than by it. (Odds of that, according to a 2003 survey, is one in 6,500. Over a 78 year lifespan, that’s about one in 83.) The swine flu numbers aren’t really important, however. You can look at the same sort of media coverage over the Bird Flu or a Mad Cow Disease outbreak or anything that can cause fear in the general populace. My point is that the media is sensationalizing the news.

Why would they do that? Because they have to. Today’s viewers don’t want a stodgy old man with a stone face delivering the facts. They want to feel involved. They want to be entertained. They need the magic box to keep their living room interesting, not bore them out of their minds. (If I were an avid conspiracy-theorist, I could even go so far as to say that the media is causing this fear on purpose, because a frightened population is easier to control, less likely to object to soldiers walking their streets in the name of safety. But I’ll leave that sort of speculation to the conspiracy theorists.)

But this letter isn’t addressed to the media. It’s addressed to the world. So, World, I am asking you to calm down and think. When the media starts talking about hundred of deaths, put it in perspective. It’s hundreds of people that you probably didn’t know, that probably didn’t know each other, and that were scattered across a very broad population. When they start talking about how deadly this new threat is, take a deep breath and realize that they aren’t telling you that the majority of these deaths are across elderly people, very young people, and people who didn’t bother going to the hospital over what they thought was just an annoying fever.

If you’ve read this, and agree with what I’m saying, then I ask that you do one last thing. I ask that you turn off your television tonight. The news will still be there in the morning. Eat dinner at the table with your family and talk to each other. If you don’t have family, go out to eat with your friends and talk with them. Stop worrying, and start living. You’ll find that it’s a lot more enjoyable.

Sincerely,
Stuck

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Posted in Rants | 4 Comments »

Just When You Thought Things Couldn’t Get Any Worse…

April 8th, 2009

Last Saturday, I drove out to a car lot with low expectations. I was planning on looking at a few trucks, getting depressed when I saw how much they’ve changed since my 2003 model, getting more depressed when I saw how much they cost, and driving my grandfather’s truck home in tears. I was also dreading the whole idea of dealing with a Car Salesmen.

I parked in the guest parking area and wasn’t even completely out of my truck before someone swooped in to offer assistance. *sigh* Fine, it was a big lot and I guessed I could use some help finding out which direction the trucks were in. We start walking towards the trucks, and I’m telling him what I had, how much I loved it, and how I wanted something as close to it as possible. I also tell him that I’m looking for something used, since I can’t afford a new one. So, of course, he walks me straight to the brand-new Toyota Tundra.

I drove a Tacoma. It’s a smaller of the Toyota trucks. The Tundra was the big one. I don’t want a big one. Over the past six years, the Tacoma has gradually increased in size until it’s as big as the Tundra was in 2003, and the Tundra is now ridiculously big. I had explained this in our walk, so I have no idea why he walked me straight to a truck that he knew I wasn’t interested in. I pointed this out and asked if we could look at Tacomas, and we started walking again.

We got to the Tacoma area, and my fears were realized. Too expensive. Too big. Too different from my old truck. I also notice that they’re all new. So I suggest we look at some used ones, since I’m looking for an older model that’s as close to my old truck as I can get. We start walking, and out of the corner of my eye I spot a familiar shape. I turn my head to look and gasp. This salesman was about to walk me right past a 2003 Toyota Tacoma PreRunner (which I had very specifically said I was hoping to find when I first spoke to the man) and not look back. I stop and point, “How about that one?”

At first, he acts surprised to see it, as if it magically appeared on the lot. I started circling the beautiful truck, kicking the tires, checking for anything out of place. I press my face against the driver’s window and look inside as he’s stammering about something, but I don’t hear him. I already knew that I’d be buying this one. I don’t even look back at him when I ask, “You have the keys for this one?”

He wanders off to the main building while I sit and whisper to my future truck, petting the sleek metal and telling it how good of a driver I’d be. The salesman returns with the key and puts it in my hand. For a brief second, I swear it glowed with a brilliant blue light. And then I realized something was amiss. “It doesn’t have keyless entry? Was it built by cavemen?”

The salesman assures me that they can add keyless entry for a modest fee. I make eye contact with him for the first time, and see that he wants this sale. I get in the truck, and the seat feels like home. All the controls are where I remember them. The steering wheel is right where I need it to be. The mirrors are already adjusted for my height. It was Fate.

The test drive proved what I already knew. This was my truck. I didn’t want to appear too eager, though. The salesman was as hungry to sell it as I was to buy it. I made an offer, which included them installing keyless entry. His face got all scrunchy for a second, but he regained his composure like a pro and invited me into the building. I patted the truck on the hood and whispered that I’d be back.

One thing I’ll never understand about the buying process is the constant trips that the salesman has to make back and forth between you and some back office. Why can’t they just sit you down in the back office and avoid all that leg work? My offer was accepted. Begin the two hours of paperwork.

At the end of the day, The Replacement Truck was in my driveway, newly washed and ready for a lifetime of adventure with his new partner. All was right with the world. In less than a week, I’d be past all this worry and misery over the accident, and I wouldn’t even have a car payment.

Sunday evening, I picked up a notepad to make a grocery list and saw two little white bugs underneath it, amidst a pile of chewed up notepad. They quickly darted into two little holes in the wooden sill upon which the notepad had previously rested. I’ve got termites in my fucking house.

Posted in Me Me Me! | 2 Comments »

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