Stuck

A Southern Gentleman. The Strong, Silent Type. The Class Clown. The Asshole. The Teddy Bear.

Music

I’ve been listening to a lot of music lately. Like a lot. Playing songs on every Amazon device at once so it plays no matter what room I’m in. It keeps the house from being so quiet. Something I’ve noticed, though, is that I somehow find a way to make every song about my situation. …

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Therapy Roundup

Yesterday was a Therapy day, and we talked about a lot of things. We started off with the positive affirmations I’d chosen, and I expressed how it just felt like I was lying to myself. She suggested I modify them so that I couldn’t call myself a liar, and maybe down the road change them …

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Not a Lot

I haven’t written in a couple of day because there’s not a lot to say. I don’t know how many posts I can write that basically say “I miss her and I’m sad and I feel awful about making her sad because of my fuck up.” I left the house today for my first non-parental …

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No Sleep

I had my annual appointment with my pulmonologist yesterday morning to see how the CPAP machine is working out and make any needed adjustments. He walked in the room while looking at a graph that showed my sleep patterns and said, “You’ve slept an average of 25 hours a week for the past month.” After …

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Acceptance?

After writing yesterday, I still couldn’t get the question out of my head. Should I be trying even if she doesn’t want me to? Should I do all those little things I think about doing constantly? Texting her when I’m thinking about her (which is constantly, so that would probably not be great)? At least …

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Outside

One of the things that keeps getting suggested to me in therapy is to go outside. Traditionally, I hate going outside. It’s hot. There are bugs. There are people. There’s no Internet. I have noticed, however, that sitting on the front stoop for 20-30 minutes in the evenings has not been terrible. I put a …

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