Month: July 2021

No Sleep

Part of me REALLY wants to delete that last post. Part of me wants to call in to work and go back to bed. Part of me wants to feel as shitty as I do, because I deserve it. I might have slept for a total of two hours last night, but it feels like …

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Routines

I miss the little daily routines. Watching her get ready in the mornings, when she basically dries her hair upside down while looking at her phone on the floor. The sound of the blender as she makes her smoothie. Wishing each other a good day as the first one leaves the house. Laying next to …

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Day 7 – Unlife

Grocery shopping is something I’ve always hated, but today was odd. There’s been this “distant” feeling lately when I’ve felt myself approaching the edge, this feeling almost like I’m leaving my body to handle whatever is about to happen and just watching it, as if it’s happening to someone else. The entire grocery trip was …

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Day 6 – Control

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,courage to change the things I can,and wisdom to know the difference – The Serenity Prayer The Serenity Prayer has always struck a chord within me. It sums up, succinctly, one of my core foundations. No, I haven’t found religion. (Though my mother has, …

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Day 5

I am the son, and the heirof a shyness that is criminally vulgar.I am the son and heirof nothing in particular. I threw up in the parking lot at work yesterday as I was getting ready to leave, and then I sat in my car and cried for about ten minutes. She had let me …

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Silence

The silence is a terrible part of this. The loneliest part. She’s not loud (unless she’s around her family), but there was always some noise. Breathing behind me as she reads a book. Snoring softly on the pillow beside mine. Walking through the hallway. Singing in the kitchen. Maybe that’s why I blasted music until …

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Blame

When something goes wrong, it seems like everyone wants someone or something to blame. Maybe it’s in our nature to shift responsibility, to clear our conscience. I’ve been stewing on this for days now, and it would be so damned easy to blame Depression for my actions, blame my father for being a role model …

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