Winds of Change

“This is my world, and I am world leader pretend.
This is my life, and this is my time.
I have been given the freedom to do as I see fit.
It’s high time I’ve razed the walls that I’ve constructed”

– World Leader Pretend, by R.E.M.

Heavy Petting met at Jillian’s in full force last night. Musicman, Virginia Belle, and both members of Team Richardson shared a table with me as we geared up to kick ass in trivia. And kick ass we did. First Place! Now that this bit of bragging it out of the way, I’ll move on.

XY, of Team Richardson, mentioned something in his Valentine’s Day PodCast that echoed some thoughts of mine. He said he was sick of people saying how happy they were to be single, when they are the same people who complain about not having someone. It was in my mind because of my own V-Day blog, where I was trying to decide whether or not my lack of bitterness about it was a lie.

I think many people lie to themselves in the hope that they’ll start to believe it. There is a set of people which can not feel complete unless they are in a relationship. They need that other person to complete them. I’m going to call this group the Klingons. (Because they cling-on) Klingons are the group most likely to use this “I’m happy being single” lie because they NEED to believe that they’re not worthless without someone. So, back to me… am I a Klingon?

I came to the conclusion that, in my case, it’s not a lie. I am single, and I am happy. However, I am not going to deny that having someone to share my life with would not make me happier. On the other hand, it could also lessen my happiness. A girlfriend, after all, would very much intrude on the habits and routines I’ve formed. Ideally, she wouldn’t do it on purpose, but it’s unavoidable. It’s not likely that I’m going to find a woman that would fall in to my Monday nights of D&D, Wednesday nights of Heavy Petting, and Thursday nights of Everquest 2. Let me clarify that a bit… it’s not likely that I’m going to find a girl like that who I’m also attracted to. What does this mean?

It means I’m fishing in a pond that I have no business fishing in. I’m looking for a girl who is beyond the scope of my routine world, and probably wouldn’t fit in with it. Basically, it means I’ve realized that I’ve either got to look for a different class of girl, or change my lifestyle. And THAT is the motivation I needed to change who I am, ladies and gentlemen.

Some will argue that I shouldn’t change who I am for a girl. I’m going to argue that I’m not. I’m changing who I am for me, because I want to be with a class of woman that doesn’t mesh with who I am currently. Others will argue that there is a class of woman who WILL mesh, after all, Vin Diesel plays Dungeons & Dragons. Well I’m not attracted to Vin Diesel, and even if I was, he’d still be out of my league, which only goes to prove my point.

Are there totally hot women out there who are into gaming, industrial music, and the scene as much as me? Of course there are. Are they in my league because I’m into the same things? Not a chance. Rather than lower my standards for a woman, though, I’m going to raise my expectations of myself.

Stay tuned… it’s bound to be a blog-worthy ride.

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