It’s funny how I decide to stop bitching about relationships, and then I end up with very little to write about. And so, I’m going back to the first rule of writing, which is “Write what you know.” So I’ll give you an update on my inner struggle.
Here I sit, torn between a “nice guy” who isn’t getting what he wants and a jackass who can get a pocketful of phone numbers in one night. I’ve weighed the options of both over an over.
The Nice Guy is a guy I’m very familiar with. He is who I’ve been for 31 years. He’s had three meaningful relationships, one meaningless relationship, and seven first dates that led to nothing further. The longest meaningful relationship was two years. The shortest was six months. It’s left him with an empty feeling, a feeling that he wasted his time on girls who didn’t match up. On the bright side, though, it’s given him a refined list of things to avoid, and things to look for.
The Jackass is a guy I’ve been for a total of four nights, interspaced through the past six months. While I’m not too familiar being him, I know the type well enough to slip into that role and act the part convincingly. The Jackass, in the course of those four nights, has acquired thirty-one phone numbers. Now some of them might be fakes, but I don’t really think they are. Of those thirty-one, he’s called four of them back. These four were from the first night. They led to first dates, and nothing beyond that. I believe that, had I wanted them to, each of those dates could’ve ended at my place or hers. But that’s the downside to the Jackass. He’s never going to have a meaningful relationship. He’s only good for bouncing from one hook-up to the next.
Now, I’m not proud to admit this, and I feel I need to issue a warning to any men reading this. Do NOT go out and be a prick just because I said it worked. I studied for this part. I read four books, written by pick-up artists (PUAs), visited several web sites dedicated to it, and talked with an old friend from college (who happens to be a PUA) to get the techniques down. And no, I’m not going to offer any classes on it. You can do the research your damn self.
I’m 31 years old. As a child, I looked at this age as being grown-up and settled down with a family. Even as a 20-something college punk I had the same idea. But here I am, with no family and no prospects in the wings. It’s enough to make me feel old and young at the same time. I feel old because I’m not where I thought I’d be, and the clock is ticking. I feel young because I just don’t think I’m old. Old People don’t go to bars, right? (Unless they’re Creepy Old People. Oh Jesus, am I a Creepy Old Person???)
So what do I do? Be alone and insecure while holding on to my unwavering standards? Bounce from girl to girl, tossing them aside when I grow tired of them? I think Door Number Three is going to be the answer. Introduce Jackass to Mr. Nice Guy and combine them. But that’s where the real problem lies.
How much of each do I put into the recipe? What qualities of Jackass are worth saving, and won’t cheapen a pick-up attempt? What qualities of Mr. Nice Guy are the ones that women really want? And why do I always end these damn blog entries with questions? I thought the whole point of writing about it was to sort it out in my head and find the answers!