Virginia Belle has worked my brain with her latest line of Bullsh*t-Free Zone questioning. She claims to be Southern and old-fashioned, and also claims to be independent. I jokingly say that you can’t be both. While I’m one of the people who isn’t sure that switches actually exist in the BDSM community, which has sparked countless arguments, I don’t really believe this. (Not to go too far off-topic, despite having the phrase ‘Submissive Women’ in my subject line, a “switch” is someone who like to play both dominant and submissive roles in a BDSM relationship. I argue that these people just don’t know what they really want. Man, I’m going to show up on some perverted Google search now…)
What was I talking about? Right. Old-Fashioned versus Submissive. Let me get back on track here… for the rest of this post, “submissive” is not to be read with any sexual connotation, okay?
In my eyes, being a Southern man, an old-fashioned woman is one who put her family ahead of her career and her personal goals. More often than not, her family’s success WAS her personal goal. A lot of independent women will label these women as submissive, and I’m here to tell you that those women are dead wrong. As an example, I’m going to use the old-fashioned woman that I know the most about: my mother.
My mother stayed at home while my father went to work everyday to provide for us. She cleaned the house. She made the meals. She raised the hellspawned child (me) with a firm, but loving, hand. And she never complained about it once. After I’d moved out, she went to college, got her degree, and not has a career.
I sat down with her one Mother’s Day and thanked her for sacrificing so much to keep our house in order, and she told me that she didn’t sacrifice anything. She chose to raise me. She chose to help her family prosper. A career was never really a goal of hers. She wanted to be a mom, and be there to see her child grow up.
My father piped in and said that he never once took her for granted. He was always thankful for her being there to clean up, to fix our meals, and to keep that little demon (men) out of too much trouble.
But their marriage wasn’t without arguments. My mother was never afraid to voice her opinion, to argue her point. Their decisions were made together, sometimes easily, and sometimes after an argument. To call my mother submissive would be an insult to her, and I would totally fight someone over it. (After all, you just don’t go an insult my mama!)
Yet there are several militant lesbians… wait, I meant to say several power-hungry… hang on, I’ll get the right wording… there are a lot of women who would think my mother was submissive, would flat-out accuse her of sacrificing her goals for those of her husband, would say her response to that accusation was some form of rationalization. (And if you think I won’t fight a militant lesbian, think again. I won’t hit a woman, but they’re close enough to the edge that an insult to my mama would bring me to blows.)
Submission is the yielding of oneself to the power/authority of another. Again, I’m keeping this vanilla, ok? Don’t go all whips and chains on me. (We can talk about that more later, after we’ve gotten to know each other better, yes? And preferably when I’m not talking about my mom.) Submission is acknowledging that someone else has control over you. Using my mother as an example again, I can say, without hesitation, that the house would have fallen apart if she’d left him. My father might have been the breadwinner, but he sure as hell didn’t have control over the family.
A submissive woman is one who would never even consider leaving. She would endure whatever her controller wanted her to, without question, and never voice her own opinion. Who wants that? Does that sort of “marriage” actually exist in this country? (Leave the Mormons and their white-slavery teenage wives out of it.) If it does, I really don’t even want to know about it.
So, Stuck, what kind of woman are you looking for? At risk of sounding like a sexist pig, I would love to find a woman willing to stay home, raise the kids, and strengthen my family. If she wants to work, though, I won’t complain. Hopefully she makes enough so that I can stay home. (I would totally have to learn how to cook, though. That big-box-that-makes-food-hot in my kitchen and I are not on speaking terms.)
DISCLAIMER: My references to militant lesbians are all in jest. I realize that there is a vocal minority that creates a stereotype that we straight men like to use as a weapon, and I apologize for abusing this stereotype in the pursuit of humor. But it WAS funny, so I’m not taking it back. Please don’t send G.L.A.D. after me.
DISCLAIMER, PART DEUX: I love Mormons. Any religion whose members wear sacred undergarments is A-OK in my book.