A Wish Your Heart Makes

To die. To sleep. To sleep, perchance to dream.
Aye, there’s the rub.
For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come…

-From Hamlet, by The Bard

No, the quote doesn’t mean I’m contemplating suicide. It’s the first quote that comes to my mind when I think of dreams, and I figured I’d expose you to some culture. Culture, bitches! Anyway…

I’ve mentioned before that I suffer from chronic nightmares. The blessing is that I usually don’t remember them. I wake up with my heart pounding and feeling scared, but don’t remember why. Last night I woke up a few times during the night, but it didn’t feel like a nightmare wake-up, more of a I-want-a-glass-of-water wake up. This morning, though, I woke up with a vivid memory of my nightmare, though I don’t really know why it scared me into waking up. Or why I was riding a pony in it, either. Whatever. It was a weird-ass dream. So I thought I’d share it…

I was on a pony taking a dirt road through a forest that came straight out of a horror movie. The branches were all winter-bare, and the trees were all that species where the bark peels and hangs off like loose paper. I wasn’t afraid of the trees, though, and didn’t get the sense that anything was hiding within their leprosy-stricken branches. It was just an everyday ride through some spooky woods.

I came to a place where the road split and, in the cratch of the divide, a little carnival had set up shop. You might think, from the fact that I was riding a pony on an unpaved road through a natural setting that this was some medieval setting, but it wasn’t. The carnival was full of little booths selling elephant ears and Fiske fries and whatnot. The smell of cotton candy and caramel apples was thick in the air, but not thick enough to cover up an underlying stench… the stench of unwashed carnies.

Ignoring the smells, my eyes were set on one thing. In my dream-conscious, I knew that this entire setting had been placed around this one thing, and it was here that I was supposed to go. On the outskirts of the miniature rides and the food-hawkers sat a small covered wagon painted in bright colors. A gypsy wagon. It looked like it was straight out of the Ultima computer games, Ultima IV and later, and I remember thinking that in the dream. If you’ve never played the games, then I don’t really know how else to describe it, because I’ve never really seen a gypsy wagon before. (What? I like computer games, people.)

So I paid the guy outside, went in, and sat down to have my fortune told. The woman (I won’t call her a gypsy because she had the worst fake Romanian accent ever) was not what I expected. I had expected some old, withered, tiny woman… maybe like the medium from Poltergeist, except Romanian and skinny. This woman was gorgeous, and I was certain that she was a stripper outside of her carnival life. (It’s my dream. I reserve the right to make up the past of any characters. So she was a stripper, damn it. And she wanted me.)

Anyway, she gives this big speech about Tarot, and how awesome it is and blah blah blah. (How bad is it that I ignore the dialogue that my own brain makes up for me?) She shuffles the deck and I cut it. Then, she lay the first card face-up. Death. I didn’t flip out, because I know that the meaning of the card can be twisted a bit, and doesn’t necessarily mean I’m going to die. She turns the next card over and gasps. Death. Now I’m a little concerned, because there’s only supposed to be one of those in the deck. Apparently, she’s concerned, too, because she tells me, without her fake accent, that this isn’t supposed to happen. She flips a third card. Death. She must really buy into this Tarot thing, because she screams and throws the deck down. All of the cards land face-up, of course, and, of course, they’re all Death. She demands that I get out of her wagon and ride away. (How did she know I came in on a pony, I wonder?) “Run!” she told me.

I didn’t run, but I did stand up and leave. I wasn’t too concerned about the fortune, maybe writing it off as some practical joke she likes to play on every twentieth customer or something. But I was a little mad that I didn’t get my money back. So I stopped walking my pony back to the road and looked back at the little gypsy wagon, and set it on fire with a thought.

That’s when I woke up.

So, aside from the obvious forked-road metaphor and the fact that I’m just biding my time until I can reveal that I’m the Antichrist, what do you guys think the dream means? And why the hell didn’t I stop to get an elephant ear. I fucking LOVE elephant ears!

15 thoughts on “A Wish Your Heart Makes”

  1. No. It was just a young normal horse. Which really brings up another point… why couldn’t I be riding a full-grown horse? It’s my friggin dream, after all. I should be riding some big-ass warhorse!

  2. Phantom Hater

    I never have very vivid recall of my dreams. They usually fade on waking.

    Here’s what I think–Horses are a symbol of repressed homosexual tendencies. Your comment about “riging a big-ass, full-grown warhorse” is very telling. 😉

    Other than that, stop doing shrooms before you go to sleep.

  3. Hmmm…you on a pony? There’s something playful & free-spirited in that image to me. The gypsy — maybe searching for something about your future. From the barren trees to the bright colored gypsy wagon — leaving the “wintry” life you’ve been leading behind, maybe? A deck full of Death? Since Death can symbolize transformation, it could me you are in for some major change. As for setting fire to the wagon with your mind, I could either go with the spark of change/transformation in you or your dream self thought it was all a load of horse puckey & set fire to it.

    From dreammoods.com —

    Pony
    To see a pony in your dream, signifies the playful aspects of your life. It is representative of your unexplored, underdeveloped, or undisciplined power

    Gypsy
    To see a gypsy in your dream, signifies your desire to roam freely without responsibility and obligation. Alternatively, this symbol may suggest your need to look toward the future.

    Tarot Cards
    To dream of a tarot reading, indicates your current situation and state of mind. You are open to exploring your unconscious thoughts and feelings. Pay attention to what the Tarot Cards revealed. Consider the following general meanings of the four Tarot suits: The Wands represent fire, inspiration, spirituality, action, initiative, and the Psyche. The suit of the Swords signify air, determination, strength, faith, and conquering of fear. The Cups symbolize water, emotions, purity, and your outlook toward life and the future. Finally, the Pentacles denote finances, social influence, worldly knowledge, and your connection with nature and earth.

    Fire
    Depending on the context of your dream, to see fire in your dream can symbolizes destruction, passion, desire, illumination, transformation, enlightenment, or anger. It may suggest that something old is passing and something new is entering your life. Your thoughts and views are changing. In particular, if the fire is under control or contained in one area, it is a metaphor of your own internal fire and inner transformation. It also represents your drive and motivation.

    So, if you go with what that says, it would seem you are in a transformative process.

    I do love analyzing people’s dreams!!

  4. CapricornCringe

    I’m kind of with Felicia on the change issue. You’re going through the change. heh

    You set the hut on fire with your mind because you’re a pyromaniac and a vindictive bastard … or because you long for power and control, whichever scenario you prefer.

    You can’t be the anti-Christ. You’re not bitter enough yet. 🙂

  5. Behind The Curve

    You have a unfulfilled childhood dream of getting a pony, you saw Dumbo while channel surfing past Disney TV, when you see gypsies dance, you wish they’d take off all their clothes. You killed bugs. You *heart* Beavis & Butthead… “fire! fire! fire!!”

  6. Personally, I think there is no meaning behind dreams. It think dream analysis is something that head-shrinkers made up to charge more money… 🙂

    And the anti-Christ doesn’t need to be bitter. I think he will be completely devoid of emotion.

    I don’t get Disney television (I’m not a fan of cable)… but I do own Dumbo on DVD.

    I liked Beavis… but I really wasn’t a fan of Butthead. Beavis was an innocent sort of psychopath, whereas Butthead was just a moron.

  7. Innocent psychopath! I love that one.

    Dream analysis is just fun & see, I did all that for you for free!

  8. Weird dream.

    I suffer from chronic insomnia. I wonder if that’s worse or better than nightmares. At least you’re getting some sleep – even if it’s just a few minutes a night.

  9. it sounds as if you have it bad for a gypsy girl – look out for those romanians in your life! if she makes you laugh and she happens to be a gypsy – well then she’s the one!

  10. Virginia Belle

    i think this dream means you need to stop eating before bedtime.

    i’m serious.

    that always gives me nightmares.

    that is a seriously fucked up dream, by the way. do a google search for “dream dictionary” and you will find help to make sense of the dream. i think felecia could be on to something — sounds like you want change or you are about to have some changes.

    i was trying to think of a post for today, and i think i will share a dream i’ve had. thanks stuck!

    fyi– i have tarot cards. let me know if you want me to do a reading sometime. i promise i won’t play the death card trick on you.

    and isn’t it funny how we always remember how we feel in our dreams? and how we know where we are supposed to go and what we are supposed to be doing? that is always interesting to me.

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