Have you heard how awesome Michael Phelps is? Apparently he is a better swimmer than Aquaman. Like, the fastest thing in water since… ever. So fast, in fact, that he won the 100 meter freestyle relay BY HIMSELF!
If you watched any news reports about the relay race yesterday, and there were several different reports, you might understand what I’m talking about. On the last leg of the relay race, America was almost a full body-length behind France. In a heroic display of effort, Michael Phelps swam like a fish to overtake the Frenchman and win the event.
Wait… that’s not how it happened at all. Michael Phelps had already swum his lap, and America was behind. It was Jason Lezak who put on the water-jets and snatched victory from his ass. A 32-year old man came from behind and beat the French world-record holder for the 100m freestyle. But did the media talk about that? Hell no. They couldn’t shut up about how Michael Phelps was on-track for winning eight gold medals. In fact, the most aired video clip wasn’t the final seconds of the race, where Lezak wins by a fingernail. It was of Michael Phelps screaming like some wild barbarian.
What the fuck is wrong with this country when we celebrate the arrogant dream of someone more than we celebrate the actual victory that his teammate brought home?
I hope Phelps doesn’t get his eight gold medals. I hope he doesn’t get five. The Olympics aren’t supposed to be about one person. They’re supposed to be about the world.
In other news, Russia invaded the hell of of Georgia. Obama is planning a trip to Atlanta to survey the damage. 😉