Not Single…

While Strutter hasn’t updated her status on MySpace and Facebook yet, we’re not single. We had a serious discussion yesterday after work, and she is going to try not to drink any more. As in ever again. I conceded a free pass for her 30th birthday (August 21) which I know was wrong of me, and which I suspect will send her into full relapse if she manages to stay sober for the next two and a half months. But if I’m not willing to compromise a little, why should I expect her to give up what is, essentially, a major part of her life?

We also talked about other little things that bother us about each other. Little things which ad up and finally explode. We talked about how miserable she is with her work. (Basically, her department is at the very bottom of the “pecking order” and the other departments treat her and her co-workers with some disdain.) I told her that another job with the same pay might be the same and treat her like shit, but it can’t get much worse. (And now I’ve violated two of my blog-rules. Don’t talk about work and don’t talk about girlfriend problems!)

Do I think she can stay sober? I, of all people, know how stubborn she can be when she wants something. So yes, I think it’s possible for her to quit drinking as long as she has something she wants more than getting drunk. Do I think she WILL stay sober? I guess that depends on whether or not I happen to be that something she wants more. And, to that, I can’t answer. For now, I’m willing to wait and see what happens, and I’m resolved to stick by my statement to her that if she drinks again, the relationship is over.

Saying it like that makes me sound rather heartless, but I promise that the one thing I want more than anything, including the success of this relationship, is to see Strutter sober.

5 thoughts on “Not Single…”

  1. more of my 2 cents… if she has as real a problem as it seems, no free pass for anything. you’re not asking her to give something up, she’s making a lifestyle change to stay sober because obviously a “few drinks” is not what happens. she shouldn’t be doing for anyone but herself and she also needs to come to grips with the fact that it is an illness and a problem. sorry to be debbie downer but it’s my opinion.

  2. delurking…What about AA? From what I understand it can be very helpful for the person involved to make friends with others who are trying to stay sober too – Support system and all.
    Good Luck! Hoping that it all works out for the two of you.

  3. I have another tip for you (not about the alcoholism because I don’t have much experience with that), but what makes my current relationship work so great is (among others) that we try to do a weekly “relationship hour”. We just take time to talk to each other about what’s been good, what’s been less good, what sucked, how we feel about it, why we feel that way, and what we can do about it all. It’s also a way to show that we care about the relationship. Maybe you two can have a try.

  4. I am completely horrified that you’ve just shared this with everyone (I’m never going to go see your parents again). I’m even more horrified you hadn’t told me you’d blogged about it. Me finding it completely unprepared has really hurt my feelings and has provided the perfect excuse for me to dip into the devil’s tears tonight (kidding of course). But really, I completely understand you needing support from your friends while going through this but you could have gone to a nice private dinner instead of telling the whole world. Curiously enough I did tell you all the nasty parts of my personality, including my alcoholism, before we even started dating. I also was kind enough to demonstrate it every other night, as that was my drinking schedule back then. As for you questioning what would happen if I got pregnant, I would of course find a surrogate drinker until spitting the little alien out. Then I would start baby on rum straightaway. How else do you get them to fall asleep? In the future please don’t post these things on your blog, it’s just not cool.

  5. I am sorry I didn’t tell you before you discovered it all out in the open. Between work being so busy, us acting like everything is “back to normal,” and you leaving for the beach, I just didn’t think/want bring it up. I will delete the posts if you want.

    As for my parents… they don’t read this. (I monitor the IPs of people who do) It’s not like you’d go over there anyway.

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