At some point in history, women thought it would be a good idea to make it socially acceptable to eat food which their significant other had gotten for themselves. I suspect it started out by not ordering a large meal at a restaurant (in order to avoid looking like a pig on a date) and then stealing food from their date’s plate because they were starving. Movies portray this behavior as cute but, believe me, it’s not.
Don’t get me wrong, though. I’m willing to share my food, but only if I know in advance that I’ll be asked to share. At that point, I’d just order extra food to compensate for the thievery.
Why do I bring this up? Because I’m hungry all the time now. I’ve been on a diet for four weeks, and my stomach has not become acclimated to being empty all the time yet. And because Strutter keeps stealing what little food I’ve bought from the fridge, like a mouse in the night.
Again, don’t think that I’m unwilling to share, or provide for my woman. Every time I leave for the store, which has been almost every day these past few weeks, I ask, “Do you want me to get you anything?” When the answer isn’t something wholly un-diet, such as ice cream, cheesecake, or pizza, it’s a definite “No, thank you.” So I buy for myself, and find her pilfering cheese crumbles from the fridge or croutons from the cabinet later that night.
To add to the mouse analogy, Strutter is completely incapable of opening a cardboard box along the designated “Open Here” perforations. She always rips a small hole in the side from which to extract her ill-gotten food and drink. (And I must admit, THIS behavior is cute.)
My point is this: Just tell me to get you something.