I’ve always hated Valentine’s Day. It’s so commercial and gross, and all it does it raises expectations. For someone who has a hard time being romantic and showing feelings, it’s just a bad deal all around. But I do agree that people should show their love to one another, however bad I am at it. Just show it on a day that isn’t tied to Hallmark’s money-grubbing. Like Rachel Day, for example.
I am obnoxious sometimes. I know when her birthday is, but I kept insisting it was August 5. I don’t know why I found it funny, I just did. Part of me still feels like you’re supposed to pick on the one you love, like it’s kindergarten or something. Anyway… it’s Rachel Day, and it was supposed to be our substitute for Valentine’s Day. I sent flowers to her work, pink and purple if the florist doesn’t substitute anything. She probably doesn’t want them, and she’ll probably throw them away or give them to someone else. Her co-workers will probably see them and make a face of disgust or make a snarky comment about how I blew my shot already. It’s possible that it reminds her that I’m not all bad. I doubt that, given how recent the hurt is, but that’s not why I sent them. It just felt wrong not to do anything.
I’m a little sorry that I sent her a reminder of the pain, and I’m sorry if it makes her cry at work, but I’m not the least bit sorry that I still love her, and nothing will change that.